Mr. Dream Guy

COSPLAY MANIA 2008

Dear You,

I never imagined myself falling in love head over heels with a guy i just saw in one of the events my friends and i attended.

I was wearing a maid's uniform, he was simply wandering around with his own friends, who seemed to be enjoying circling the area and checking out the booths. He was plain simple yet he caught my attention. Weird. I felt that there were magnets within him that suddenly I cannot stop myself wanting to be closer to him.

A perfect stranger. I just don't know anything about him. Not even his name except for the fact that we have a synonymous liking. ANIME. Because if I'm wrong, he must not be here.

But I was so desperate to study his face. Telling myself that I just found him. MY DREAM GUY.


Funny, that whenever I had the chance, I stole glances over him. And I was so scared that he might notice. Or did he? After a while, we caught ourselves staring at each other. Perhaps more than once but I am always the first one who looked away. Pretended that it was nothing. And I tried catching my friends and chatted with them. Am I making myself obvious? The pair of my eyes just can't hold on finding him along the crowd whenever I got lost sight. To my surprise, I always did. It seemed that his aura always lead my eyes to see him. Or it was just my imagination?

With a gulp, I was certain that he was really staring again at me. And it wasn't clear to me if he knew. Or I just assumed? It was embarrassing being caught that I almost wanted to vanish, to disappear. I don't want to picture myself - blushing awfully RED.


Was that LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? I was smiling at the thought. I never liked someone my whole life in a situation like this. I never wanted a guy whom a perfect stranger. I am not the one who fell in love first - I never chased anyone. I am the one that's being chased. But when I saw this guy, heck. Could there be an exemption? Could be the world turn up side down?


I told my friends that moment that I just found someone whom I think so DROP DEAD GORGEOUS. They said, "Tara, papicture ka." It was a sweet joke. Why not? But, I was so damn hesitant.

They approached him and he waited for me. As i was standing 4 feet away, I can't look at him in the face. I already knew. He was tall, with a killer smile, nice pair of eyes and more. He's one of a heck so good and perfect for the character of a prince charming.

They pulled me saying, "kunwari ka pa, gusto mo rin naman" I blushed. Nervously, I slowly walked towards him. As I getting near, I felt my body melt.

I was not on myself when finally I was beside him. They took the picture. He was a good sport. And I admired him more. And GOD, HE WAS SMILING. He's so cuuutteee!!! And I was so damn ugly. For me, it was embarrassing that I was so affected.






I NEVER EXPECTED THAT I COULD ACT SO STUPID WITH A GUY I JUST SAW THAT DAY.

I NEVER EXPECTED THAT I COULD NEVER FORGET HIM TILL NOW.

AND EVERY NIGHT I ASK MYSELF...

"When the hell will I ever see you again??"





...to be continue

how do you let go?

i am guilty of saving old messages

from someone

who was once

special to my life.

Going to familiar places

gives me that small twinge

in my heart and smile in my face.

It's simply BITTERSWEET.

Because everytime

that person crosses my mind,

I remember the instances

that I were completely happy

and at the same time

the sadness when it is time to let go.

Moving on at it's own course,

best advice is just to RIDE ALONG.

users are stupid, people who get used are more stupid, but i think they're no DIFFERENCE.

Dear friendship..



Ang sweet2 ng bf ko ngayon

Bago matulog nilalagyan niya ko ng plastic bag sa mukha, pag di na ko makahinga, tinatanggal na niya



Proud ako sa kanya! kasi sya nagturo sakin magtipid, kapag nga kumakain kami sa labas, ulam nya porkchop, ako ketchup



Nakakatuwa pa sa kanya, hindi sya nAnghihingi ng pera, kusa na lang syang kumukuha sa wallet ko kaso nag hiwalay na kami, yung mga kaibigan ko kasi, sinisiraan siya, malikot daw kamay niya.


Sya lang naman nagpunta sa bahay q na nawala ung ref ko, naisip ko naman baka namisplace ko lang di ba?


+wat the "F"+


030609

It's February 2009. The love month. Well hell, I must agree. 14th was the most busiest day I've discovered for the women and men that are in love. Flowershops, chocolate and cake shops, were full of customers.

*I thought it would be a crime if you don't give your loveone something special.

I remember that day.There was this guy who passed by. *Gorgeous, I thought. And sweet, I added. As I saw him carrying a bouquet of roses, with a yellow ribbon.

*Must be the girl's favorite color, I guess.

On the other hand of the guy was this blue magic paper bag. *A cute teddy bear inside perhaps?

I busied myself wandering around, observing people outside, patiently waiting inside a popular convenience store, for someone. Cooling my nerves and trying to separate myself from the emptiness I was feeling then.

I noticed two girls following sight of him. The gorgeous guy hadn't caught only my attention. I was tempted to eavesdrop on their conversation. Or maybe even though I don't want to listen to them, I could still clearly hear what they were saying. Funny, they talk so loud.

"God, he's sweet. I've been very happy if I was the girl", said the long curly haired girl. "Of course, me too. Who wouldn't love that?" the other girl answered.

Damn right. Who wouldn't love that? I may feel the same way.

*But it would be better if and only if , the one who's going to give those sweet surprise for me is the guy I longed to love and love me.

Hell, I don't like this inner thoughts. It's a torture. I'm single, so what? This is not the right time to fall in love.

*But then when? When the right one was tired of waiting and decided to just leave? Or when I the whole world is busy out of me?

But if he really loves me, then he will never be tired of waiting, no matter how long it takes.

*Selfishness. Think of this. Everybody deserves to be happy. He should choose to be. Waiting in vain is never a good idea.

That's it, he has a choice, he would sacrifice anything because of his love for me. And if he really loves me, I will be his most precious gift in this world. I am the only one who could make him happy.

*Happiness. In love we don't need to rush things. Love is a two-way street. Must give and take. If both sides deserve each other, destiny will prevail.

But I believe I create my own destiny. I'm tired of making choices. Sentiments always come first. If I learn to be naïve and insensitive, then I could no longer feel the pain.

No feelings. Numb? I just don't want to admit it. But thinking of this could do these will only drive me to pretense.

I'm a great pretender, but here's the catch. If the guy I've been waiting for, truly loves me, he will know the true score. He will feel the truth. If I am lonely and I showed him my smile, he will hug me as if he missed me so much.

*Fooling around with myself. Maybe. I guess, I don't deserve to be happy.
Of course I do. Just be patient. Patience is a virtue.

Remember April. True love waits.

...and after a few minutes, the wait is over.

021609

paranoia

"HOW ARE YOU?"

Whenever people asked me this, I get a little paranoid.

Do they really care? Or they just want to know my story so they can retell it to others, and the others will have the chance to retell it to some other friends and not so close buddies whenever there is a forum, a bonding, an inuman session, and so on...

...God, what do they want to know? Why?

That I still breathe, I still move, I am alive, but not really truly living?...

I could tell them that I am miserable right now. Without direction to follow. Without something to look forward to. Oh yes, I could. But I won't. I don't want this little drama to be the talk of the antagonists lips. I don't want to be pitied by the hypocrites. I may be miserable and lonesome but I am not alone. That makes the difference and yes,.

I am paranoid. I rather create a circle and think that the people around me are just OUTSIDERS.

022709

bitter days

Apparently, i've been on through a lot of things running on my mind. I'm satisfied letting it out here, unfortunately, I lost record and neither I forgot to make a back-up data.

Just yesterday, all of my files were deleted. Well, of course except for the files stored on my 256mb memory card containing my therapeutic songs.

This hell pocket pc had been reset again. For as long as I remember, for the tenth time I guess. And it gives me a damn shit. All my memories were drifted away. Gone with the words I hardly expressed that following nights. But it didn't matter anymore. I guess I should invest myself another memory card to serve as my COMFORT ZONE.

So I could express my solitude.

Whenever I feel empty,


lonesome...


...and bitter

022409

a..e..i..o..U

sometimes..

you just have to try not to care

no matter how much you do..



..because sometimes you can mean nothing

to someone who means everything to you..




IT"S NOT PRIDE


IT"S CALLED ...

"SELF-RESPECT"